Ayn Rand's 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer'
"See how easily I broke your leg just now? I could never break the leg of someone I truly respected."
View ArticleDirtbag Hans Christian Andersen: The World’s Worst Houseguest
Have you ever told someone “Oh, I’d hate to impose,” then stayed for dinner but felt like you’d done something wrong? Put your fears and self-doubts to rest: you are a better and a kinder visitor than...
View ArticleMy Dad, Addiction And 'The X-Files'
"The summer before I started high school, my neighbor Allison and I were bored. So bored that once when my stepmother left to go grocery shopping we turned upside down every object in my kitchen that...
View ArticleNo Blame, No Forgiveness: On Sex Work
The first time a man offered me money for sex it was just after dawn. We were a part of the 7 am public library crowd, shivering and waiting for the doors to open. He was eating yogurt.
View ArticleTerrifying Screenshots From Unassisted Childbirth Forums
If you do make the personal decision to give birth at home, please hire a skilled attendant. Do not listen to total strangers on the Internet.
View ArticleBible Verses Where 'Praying' Has Been Replaced With 'Truckin''
"And it came to pass in those days, that he went out into a mountain, truckin’, and continued all night truckin’."
View ArticleOnly Words
"Since their son was murdered in August, Mike Brown’s parents have used words."
View ArticleHow I Defeated The Tolkien Estate
No one who gets a postgraduate degree in Hobbit Studies ever imagines they’ll be sued by the Estate of J.R.R. Tolkien. I certainly didn’t expect to wind up in court against Christopher Tolkien and his...
View ArticleDon’t You Dare Try To Tell Me You’ve Never Thought About Punching A Priceless...
Look at that idyllic goddamn scene, there’s like one and a half colors in it, this painting looks like it is asleep. This painting needed a good punch in the middle to liven things up.
View ArticleI, Tituba: Working As A Historical Reenactor In Salem
For them, it was a logical conclusion: they assumed that because I was Black, I had to be Tituba. Most of the time it was middle-aged dads or teachers leading a group of students on a field trip. “Hey,...
View ArticlePriced Out: Why I Can No Longer Afford A Career In Writing
My conditions seemed so reasonable. I wasn’t even looking for full-time work. I was willing and eager to build a patchwork of writing gigs that would rival the patchwork of my loans. All I needed was...
View ArticleMy Real-Time Response To Learning What The Rock Eats
“Oh heck, they published what The Rock eats every day? SWEET. I’m gonna eat everything the Rock eats, fill my body with some mighty power, lift some cars up.”
View ArticleA Day In The Life Of A Fictional Female Reporter
"10:00 am: Sleep with my boss. 10:58 am: Find a powder-blue Oxford shirt that doesn’t quite button up over my breasts. Buy eight pairs. 11:13 am: Internet."
View ArticlePortraits Of Lord Byron, In Order Of Lord Byron-Ness
Lord Byron was the thirstiest man alive, but he always pretended he didn’t want anything to drink.
View ArticleKing George I, Party Planning Visionary
Many famous parties in history have been lost in the mists of time, but the tale of King George I and his fabulous, fairy-tale Royal Floating Concert Supper Party has survived through the ages. King...
View ArticleHow Nintendo Helped Me Live With Asperger's Syndrome
"I held that four-buttoned, black-and-red-and-white pad in my hands. It was cool to the touch. For the first time, something made sense."
View ArticleHow To Apologize
"Instead of taking a clear-eyed view of your recent behavior, base your apology on how angry someone else is. The more upset they are, the more wrong you were."
View ArticleAn Interview With A Former Atheist
Leah Libresco is a news writer for FiveThirtyEight and the author of Arriving At Amen: Seven Catholic Prayers That Even I Can Offer, which is about her experience learning to pray as an...
View ArticleHarvard Magazine Personal Ads Without 'Rich' Or 'Thin'
The trimmest widow of all seeks a man who's allowed to use the business-class lav.
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