Oscar Wilde And Walt Whitman Probably Had Sex Once
Because mine is an evil and a petty mind, suitable more to wallowing in the sordid sexual goings-on of literary giants than in reading their work, I take every opportunity I can to inform people who...
View ArticleTexts From A Jack-O-Lantern
Before carving, remember that jack-o-lanterns have feelings too. Have a safe and emotionally responsible Halloween.
View ArticleMale Novelist Jokes
Q: How many male novelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: War is hell.
View Article'Bob's Burgers'' Moral Alignments
Almost every character on "Bob’s Burgers" ranked by D&D’s moral alignment.
View ArticleA Movie With Tilda Swinton As A Semen-Powered Robot
It’s actually a very quiet, charming movie about quiet, charming people. And human-software hybrids. Who need to ingest semen in order to survive.
View ArticleOn Being A Model Scout
The main qualification for starting the job was the ability to walk up to total strangers without completely freaking them out and, since I was nonthreatening, friendly, and able to make my way through...
View ArticleMy Life As A Trans Woman
It was like a giant puzzle that had finally been put together. It all made sense: secretly trying on my mother’s clothes, really liking dressing in drag on Halloween, wanting to switch bodies with my...
View ArticleMovie Girlfriends Hate Heroism
There is nothing in the world a movie hero’s girlfriend hates more than heroism.
View ArticleHow Not To Review Women's Writing
I have gone back and forth several times over the last few days on whether or not it would be worth addressing Adam Plunkett’s New Yorker.com review of poet Patricia Lockwood’s latest book . Yet, it is...
View ArticleGerman Rocket Cats: A Meditation
On March 5th, the Associated Press asked: “What are seemingly jet-propelled cats and birds doing in a 16th century German artillery manual?” It was a good question.
View ArticleA Trans Guy’s Experience As A Sex Worker
While it’s relatively understood that many trans women do sex work, so far in my experience, I’m the only trans man I’ve heard of who has worked in the sex industry. I’d like to share my experiences as...
View ArticleRalph Wiggum's Finest Moments
There is no place on the social structure for a second-grade boy who thinks rats are “pointy kitties” and calls his teacher “Mommy.” Kids can be misfits (Milhouse), or they can be brownnosers (Martin),...
View ArticleThings Everyone Else Is Better At Than You
Some of the simplest things in life are really hard, right?
View ArticleOn Being A Cartoonist
A couple of weeks ago, somebody wrote me on Tumblr asking how I come up with my ideas. He said he’s an aspiring artist, and that his biggest problem is finding inspiration. He explained how he spends...
View ArticleWomen Who Want To Be Alone In Western Art History
I have my needlework. And my secrets.
View ArticleYour Concern About The Exact Nature Of My Gender Has Been Noted
“GIRL! GUUUURRRRLLLL! BLONDAAAAAAAY!” He can scream and smile at the same time. He had something he really needed to share. Among the many names/nouns/adjectives that have been yelled, cooed, barked,...
View ArticleAyn Rand's 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer'
"See how easily I broke your leg just now? I could never break the leg of someone I truly respected."
View ArticleWhen You Think About It, Zeus Was Kind Of A Dirtbag
Try to name a goddess Zeus hasn't tried to hook up with. You can't. Dude is incorrigible.
View ArticleDirtbag Hans Christian Andersen: The World’s Worst Houseguest
Have you ever told someone “Oh, I’d hate to impose,” then stayed for dinner but felt like you’d done something wrong? Put your fears and self-doubts to rest: you are a better and a kinder visitor than...
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